Decluttering. Getting rid of stuff. It seems like everyone is talking about it. And a lot of us are trying to do it.
It’s good to let go of things that don’t serve us anymore, but it’s not easy. It is hard to admit that some clothes no longer fit. It is an effort to decide to donate things we don’t use. Letting go is hard.
Anaïs Nin wrote:
“To change skins, evolve into new cycles, I feel one has to learn to discard. If one changes internally, one should not continue to live with the same objects. They reflect one’s mind and the psyche of yesterday. I throw away what has no dynamic, living use.”
I think that it may be more than just our stuff that needs decluttering. Sometimes it’s our roles.
Just like old clothing, some roles don’t suit us anymore. We may have developed them for years. They may have served us well. But that doesn’t mean they still do. We worry about the waste of getting rid of things we paid good money for, but hanging on to them costs us, too. And what about the cost to us and others of hanging on to old roles?
What’s the cost of always being the capable one? The organizer. The person who puts other’s needs before their own? Or what about being the parent who still rushes in to fix things for adult children? What about needing to be the once in charge?
There’s nothing wrong with being dependable. Or supportive. A leader. Those roles can bring a lot of satisfaction and be helpful to others. But if they’re wearing you down, or keeping other people from developing their own capabilities and confidence, maybe it’s time for a change.
That isn’t easy. Especially when those roles have defined us for a long time. I see this with my retirement coaching clients. Leaving behind a work identity they’ve spent decades building can feel disorienting. Even painful. But getting through that messy middle of letting go is kind of necessary to create and grow into what’s next.
Our roles in families, friendships, and community can also change and evolve – if we decide and make the effort. It’s useful to consider: What roles am I ready to let go of? And who and how do I want to be now?